Honest Ads

"It's a bag for your dick."

The Obama administration announces a bold new media strategy. Make sure you watch the end of the video for a special message from Abe.

'If you have any questions, ask someone else. I'm the town bully.'

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Turns out the only thing grosser than the food at McDonald's, Taco Bell, Wendy's and Burger King is how the commercials are made.

You might as well just eat dyed sugar. It's probably healthier.

Although there's still not enough gold jewelry.

Can you really put a price on love? The answer is, yes, of course you can.

Black Friday: The day invented by people who sell things to lure the people who buy things away from their families on one of the only nationally recognized holiday weekends on the calendar.

Thanks to centuries of forced inbreeding and genetic tampering, you too can own docile versions of once dangerous animals.

It's the magical time of year when debates coming rolling in way before they're really necessary, and are loaded with a bunch of people you'll absolutely forget.

Gyms: They're the only way you can get fit, aside from all the other ways, and the only place you can get juice, aside from lots of others.

If it's hot out and you're in dire need of refreshment, just grab yourself an ice cold bottle of candy.

It's all about making money by destroying society's already low self-esteem.

Because if anyone needs real talk, it's gamers.

Enough with the maps! We don't even understand their meanings anyway.

Only good marketing could get the entire world addicted to black liquid that raises blood pressure and increases stress.

When are guys going to have to start enduring the rigors of birth control?

Let's just go back to blood-letting and bile drinking already.

They SHOULD tell you, but don't because it's hard to market nightmares.

If you like hamburgers, maybe don't watch this video.

Energy drinks are just like drugs except with cooler colors.

Airlines: Bending you over for the pleasure of soaring 39,000 feet above the earth in a fart-filled tube.

The lottery is a great investment of your hard earned money, but only if you win.

Maybe don't watch this while sitting in your hotel room.

Before you try to fast-track that weight loss resolution.

Brushing your teeth is overrated anyway.

All purses inevitably end up being overpriced, tiny trashcans.

Look, Cocoa Puffs are totally the bomb, but maybe eating the entire box in one day isn't such a great thing.

Grocery stores are better at screwing with your head than they are keeping their shelves stocked.

They say history is written by the victors, but it's actually written by publishers and politicians who all have agendas to push on high school and college kids. Hooray for public education and terrible textbooks!

If you've ever wanted to know what it's like to sell your soul and never get it back, just open up a credit card.

Sure, you can buy two 20-gallon drums of mayonnaise for the price of one at your local Superstore, like the crazy person you are. But at what cost to your local community?

Thanks to Apple and Fitbit Smart Watches are a great way to keep us honest and track data you couldn't before - because you actually didn't care about tracking it and probably still won't.

Theme parks, especially Disneyland, Disney World, and Six Flags are great if you enjoy being mentally (and financially) screwed with while you navigate a maze of barf, torture machines, and fried food.

Want the best android and ios mobile games? Great! Just so we're all clear here when it comes to mobile games, 'freemium' means 'free until its time to steal your parents' credit cards so you can buy your way to the end of the game that…

Milk, dairy, cheese and lactose commercials are great and all but no one's ever actually looked into how much our consumption of mammal udder juice contributes to growing up big and strong, but we just roll with it anyway.

Now that we're starting to get this whole cigarette thing under control, can we take care of the junk food companies that are getting all of us addicted to chips, candy, and crackers? We just wish everyone would be more honest about snack…

Bonnaroo, Coachella, Lollapalooza, Summerfest and other famous music festivals look cool on your friend's Instagram feed but let's be honest, they suck.

College is going to be one of the biggest investments of your life, which is why you should just trust what the student loan companies tell you without even thinking twice about how much you could be screwed after school has ended.

Who else is excited for another season of the world's most popular public slaughter house fueled by human lives? Oh ... just us in America?

Now that our lives are pretty much inseparable from our smart devices, it would only be the honest and responsible thing for Apple to do to jack up the price on their super fragile phones.

Feeling bloated and need to detox? Well, drinking salad in liquid form will absolutely not help you at all, but boy will you feel Hashtag-virtuous when you share pictures of yourself with our beautiful juice cleanse bottles all across…

Not that we want tampon ads to get all into the graphic details of what their products actually do. But seriously, what’s with all the yoga and blue fluids?

Roger Horton returns for the first time since 2017 to explain why recycling is pointless and, even worse – basically just one big scam.

There's nothing quite like claiming your tax-free, multi-million dollar enterprise is inspired by an intentionally homeless, apolitical, friend of prostitutes who told religious leaders to pay their dang taxes.

If dentists were honest, nobody would ever go to the dentist. And, honestly, we'd probably be fine.

Everybody is familiar with money, but thanks to cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin, Dogecoin, Ethereum, Stellar, and Binance we can now exchange those boring green presidential napkins for sexy computer cash that’s easier to lose, far more…

White Claw Summer is out, and Horton's Hard Poison Fizzy Summer is IN.

What would happen if dating apps like Tinder, Match.com, Bumble and others were actually honest? They'd sound kinda like this.

What would happen if crowdfunding sites like Kickstarter, GoFundMe, Indiegogo and others were actually honest? They probably wouldn't raise any funds at all.

If we were Honest about smart televisions, we probably wouldn't actually want featherweight FBI surveillance vans spying on us in our living room.

If tax prep sites were honest about why taxes suck so much, we'd probably burn the whole thing down.

What if NFT collections like Bored Ape Yacht Club, Azuki, CloneX, and other such stupid crap were actually honest about what they were?

What if Internet Service Providers like Centurylink, Comcast, and Cox were actually honest about how horrifically terrible they are? Roger Horton investigates.

What if toilet paper brands like Charmin, Cottonelle, Caboo were actually honest about that stuff we rub on our butt to rub other stuff off our butts? Roger Horton investigates... in ONE TAKE.

What if Wine Companies (vineyards?) were actually honest about how horrifically terrible they are? Roger Horton investigates.

Insurance people are really just the superheroes of bending us over for the pleasure of paying them to do the bare minimum. Originally Posted In 2015

What if chocolate companies like Hershey's, Nestle, Mars, and others were actually honest about how horrifically terrible they are? Roger Horton investigates.

What if Gaming Gear companies like SecretLab, Razer, Logitech, Alienware and others were actually honest about what they're ACTUALLY selling?

What if social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok were actually honest about how destructive and terrible they are? Well, everybody at Cracked might not have been fired for one.

What if Real Estate Companies and Realtors were actually honest about how horrifically terrible they are? Roger Horton investigates.

What if streaming services like HBOMax, Netflix, Hulu, Disney+, and others were actually honest about how horrifically terrible they are? Roger Horton investigates.

What if mattress companies like Purple, Casper, Nectar, and all the others were actually honest about how destructive and terrible they are? Roger Horton investigates.

What if Virtual Reality companies like Meta and Oculus were actually honest about how horrifically terrible they are? Roger Horton investigates alongside help from our friends at @TheWarpZone! Check out their channel!

What if jobs and employers were honest about the kind of work you'll be doing? Roger Horton investigates.

What if hospitals and health insurance companies like UnitedHealth Group, Anthem, Aetna, Cigna, Humana, and others were actually honest about how horrifically terrible they are? Roger Horton investigates.

What if Marvel and DC and everybody else were honest about how they make their dumb comic book movies? Roger Horton investigates.

What if podcasters were honest about the content they were making?

What if cruises were honest about your floating vacation?

All Roger, all in one place.

What if were your neighborhood bar was honest?

What if were your neighborhood dispensary was honest?

What if were your local movie theatre was honest?

What if fragrance ads were honest?

What if casinos commercials were honest? Well, here at Horton’s Palace, we are.

Roger is your landlord now, and he's getting real honest about things.

Looking for divorce lawyers? Hire Roger Horton For All Your Divorce Needs. Call 1-800-Actual-Lawyer Today.

Live Streamers Rise up! What's up Rogheads, the stream's about to start.

How do you know if you can trust your plastic surgeon? At Dr. Roger's Dysmorphia Exacerbation Clinic, We've been Making The World Hotter Since 2012

Will Vitamin Shops Really get you swole? Your Swole At Horton's Holistic Vita-World

It's Bachelor Party Season! Horton's Concerningly Horny Stag Party Planning has you covered for all your bachelor and bachelorette party needs.

The Cemetery Industry Makes Dying Even Spookier than it already is. So THIS is what happens to your body after you die

What if nonprofits were honest about what they're up to?

Skincare, It's all about making money by destroying society's already low self-esteem.

If organic food farms were honest, here's what they'd tell you about "eating clean"

College is going to be one of the biggest investments of your life, so why not spend a little extra buying a bunch of friends by joining a frat or sorority?

What if the job market was honest about the job search process?

If Rideshare Apps Were Honest, here's what they'd say.

If Online Shopping Were Honest, here's what they'd say.

If Local Tourism Ads were honest, here's what they'd say.

As it turns out, Leonardo DaVinci didn't know anything about men's anatomy, despite depicting it in art like, a lot.

If electric car commercials were honest, here's how they'd sound.

What if Hollywood were honest about how they make their dumb holiday Rom-com movies? Roger Horton investigates.

Happy Holidays from Honest Ads!

Honest Ads is on hiatus, but please enjoy this bonus content of Roger Reading some extremely honest thirst tweets about him.

Happy New Year from Roger and the Cracked team! See you in 2024.

What if homeshare tech companies like AirBnB were actually honest about how terrible they are?

If your local news was honest, here's what they'd say, according to Roger Horton

Never-before-seen footage of Roger Horton auditioning to be on Shark Tank by pitching new Horton product lines. Vote on your favorite new product in the comments and we'll make an Honest Ads episode from the winner in the future!

Who else is excited for the next annual Big Game, featuring the world's most popular public slaughter house fueled by human lives? Oh ... just us in America?

What if mental health apps were honest about how bogus they are?