Crossing Swords

Young Patrick dreams of earning his knighthood and dispensing justice to evildoers. He’s driven by his goodhearted, earnest nature, but also by guilt: his own siblings are some of the land’s most notorious crooks. However, when Patrick…

Patrick’s excitement to start his new squire job is quickly dampened when he is placed in charge of deciding who to execute as part of King Merriman’s publicity stunt. While Patrick struggles between pleasing the King and staying true to…

When Patrick scores highly coveted tickets to a Kraken watching cruise for his parents, he sees an opportunity to impress his hard-to-please father. The gift blows up in his face when the cruise is hijacked by a radical protest group and…

As a string of high-profile assassinations rock the kingdom, the headstrong and petulant Princess Blossom returns home from school to attend a giant music festival. Patrick is stuck as her one-man security detail. Guarding the mischievous…

Patrick is thrilled to escort King Merriman to a charity golf retreat, only to arrive and find out it’s actually the Chill Society, an annual bacchanal where rival kings meet to divvy up power and party their faces off. Patrick is shocked…

As the only uncut squire, Patrick is horrified to learn that he will need to undergo a circumcision to keep his job. Meanwhile, as Blossom celebrates the arrival of her first period, she learns that she will soon be forced into a chastity…

Fed up with a string of bad investments that have led the kingdom to bankruptcy, King Merriman throws out a pot of “magic beans,” which quickly grow into a giant beanstalk. Seeing an escape from his responsibilities, Merriman climbs the…

When a deadly plague sweeps through the Kingdom, Patrick accompanies the royal family north to stay safe, isolated in an icy ski lodge. While the family makes it to the lodge, Patrick finds himself trapped in an ice castle with a Yeti,…

The assassin has orchestrated the kidnapping of Princess Blossom, and a Minotaur holds her captive in its maze. Now the King and Queen must abdicate the throne, or their daughter will be eaten by a monster. Patrick and a host of fellow…

Patrick returns to the castle with the rescued Princess Blossom only to find it under siege. The minotaur maze was only part of the assassin’s devious plan, and Patrick comes face-to-face with the force that has been terrorizing the…

Patrick finds himself on trial for betraying the kingdom, and only avoids punishment with a Hail Mary promise to the king: that he will find the legendary leprechaun gold. Patrick is thrilled when he enlists a real, honest-to-god knight…

A drug epidemic at Blossom’s all-girls academy threatens to derail the king and queen’s scheme to draw attention to their newfound wealth. Patrick and Broth go undercover as female students to protect Blossom and bust the drug ring, but…

The wedding of the year brings Merriman a chance to mend fences with King Rami IV, whose son is arranged to marry Holden the squire. But when Ruben crashes the wedding in order to win Holden back, Patrick uncovers a malevolent…

When Queen Tulip slips into a sex-toy-induced coma, King Merriman throws a beauty pageant to replace her. Patrick feels guilty because he recruited the sex toy’s inventor. While every eligible lady in town tries to win the king’s hand,…

On an island training retreat, Patrick and the squires meet the most famous knight in the kingdom, but Patrick quickly decides the knight’s lessons are superficial crap. Elsewhere on the island, Merriman and Tulip attend couples…

The circus returns to the kingdom, much to the king’s delight. Blarney is reunited with his uppity clown college classmates. Patrick, however, is concerned that Danielle’s circus origins make this an opportune time for her to strike again.

The kingdom adjusts to life under its new (old) king, the Old King, who is back on the throne thanks to Danielle’s machinations. Patrick is torn between loyalty to the kingdom and loyalty to his former king, Merriman. Meanwhile, Merriman…

As punishment for his refusal to turn in King Merriman, Patrick finds himself sentenced to fight in the arena as a gladiator. Merriman starts to take a shine to his new life in the human resources department of a cobbler shop. But when he…

Merriman and Tulip are back just in time for the annual Hallowtide party. Patrick is tasked with chaperoning Princess Blossom but abandons his duties to hang out with the knights. Blossom swaps places with her deceased Aunt Donna in a…

After months of the kingdom depleting the jewel mines underground, the Mole People finally lash out at the surface-dwellers who have ruined their home. With the royal family in danger, Patrick must journey down into the darkness, where he…