Escape Plan

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Escape Plan strategises an unbelievable route that never manages to break out of its cliches. Stallone and Schwarzenegger. The duelling juggernauts of 80s action. An impenetrable maximum security facility monolithically stands in their way, preventing them from being reliable gym buddies and exercising those lucrative vein-inducing steroids. Will Arnie “be back”? Is Stallone still missing “Adriaaaaan!” Regardless of the nostalgic fuel that pumps through Håfström’s reunion, it’s unfortunately weighed down by an implausibly ridiculous plot that believes itself to be smarter than it actually is, diminishing the non-sensical fun in the process. Best get “back to da choppa!” ey Arnie? (Or governor of California...). An escape artist, hired independently to test maximum security facilities by breaking out of them, is setup by his own financial advisor and incarcerated in the most secure prison of them all. Soldiers, probably ex-military, walking around with black ‘V for Vendetta’ masks scaring up the prisoners who just want to sleep. Schwarzenegger delivering some excruciatingly brilliant one liners as per usual. “You fight like a vegetarian!”. Stallone, probably extremely interested and involved, looking generally fatigued and uncharismatic. Water hoses shoved down the throats of prisoners, whilst locked in steel boxes (crucial point...) with the brightest and hottest lamps beating down upon them. Palaeontologist Dr. Alan Grant recovering from the trauma of ‘Jurassic Park III’, by medically assisting America’s most dangerous criminals. And Vinnie “I’m the Juggernaut!” Jones putting the “cock” in “cockney”. Suffice to say, it’s a paradise. A beautiful holiday retreat. If only the plot was just as idyllic. Essentially, Escape Plan fundamentally works due to Stallone and Schwarzenegger’s chemistry. Divert away from this, and plot conveniences, holes and illogicality rapidly take precedent. Ray is described to be the ultimate escape artist, which is essentially a cop out description for his character to do literally anything and consider it to be objective fact. Example: using broken glasses, paper and other utensils to blindly craft an apparatus that aligns with the moon to determine the equatorial alignment of one’s current location. Perhaps this is a legitimate tool that can be created under a prison table. I don’t know. Nor do I care. My point is, due to the prison being “the most secure facility in existence”, the actual escape plan requires the audience to promptly suspend their disbelief. The brawls and action are few and far between, resulting in the remaining hour and half to be weirdly edited conversations where the camera manages to go through Stallone’s eye on multiple occasions. In fact the entire editing, from quick cuts to weird scene transitions that remind me of Microsoft PowerPoint fade out animations, decreased the quality of the general filmmaking. Not to mention the obvious green screen and dreadfully unnecessary moments of CGI. At the end of the gloomy day, you probably wanted to watch this just for Stallone and Schwarzenegger, in which case you’ll be satisfied. You just have to endure the mountainous implausibilities, overextended runtime and underwhelming conclusion. Had it been made thirty years ago, could’ve been good. So perhaps conducting your own escape plan could be better?

This is a movie that had more or less escaped under my radar until I saw it mentioned in one of my news feeds as a Blu-ray giveaway a couple of days ago. Given that it had both Stallone and Schwarzenegger in it, it was really a must buy for me. The escape from prison plot theme is not exactly a new idea but must be considered a rather classical one. A lot of great books and movies have, if not been centered around that theme so at least had it as a major plot element. I would say that it is rather difficult to make a new movie on this theme these days without it feeling a bit stale. During my movie evening yesterday I was happy to find that this one succeeds quite well in not feeling stale. It also succeeds very well in pairing together Stallone and Schwarzenegger without making it deteriorate into some action hero parody. The basic plot is in one sense the classical hero gets framed, thrown into jail and has to escape. In another sense it is slightly unconventional in that our hero is not only an escape artist, or rather an escape specialist, but a legal one at that. Both Stallone and Schwarzenegger are doing a good job of their roles. We all know that these two actors are not exactly Shakespeare-material and is not really competing for any acting Oscars but they do deliver solid performance as male, though-guy, heroes. The bad guy at the prison is not too bad, in terms of performance, either. The one person I felt was a bit meh was the guy who set Breslin up. I also think they could have made more of a show in nailing that bastard in the end. Not that he did not get what he deserved but I missed a “I’m back” moment with a confrontation between Breslin and him. On the whole a quite enjoyable movie even though the prison break theme is not one of my favorite ones. Oh, and as usual Rotten Tomatoes “official” rating is pure nonsense. Due to their idiotic rating mechanism they flag it as rotten which it most certainly is not.

The Stallone/Schwarzenegger team-up we've deserved for 30 years. And it's a good thing that the part of the movie with the two of them together worked, because everything outside of that sucks. But _Escape Plan_ does work exclusively off the back of the two experiences we get to see of them in gaol. _Final rating:★★★ - I liked it. Would personally recommend you give it a go._